i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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