I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
