you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
