I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
