If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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