3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
