when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Someone signed my nipple.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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