hell yes lets make some ravioli
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
