haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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