Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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