I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
