did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
