im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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