He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
