All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
