I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
