Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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