Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
