Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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