Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
