i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
