you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
