im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
