The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
