....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
