now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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