If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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