meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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