the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
