Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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