Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
