Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize