woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
