Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
