just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
