she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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