We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
