She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
There's always time for handjobs
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
