Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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