I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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