I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
