Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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