he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize