Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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