I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
