last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
