i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I deserve this hangover.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
