Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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