his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
being pregnant is like rehab
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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