Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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