i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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