I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Randomize
