There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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