A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize