A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm at about main and main street
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
