1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
