I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
