we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize