i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
