erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
