Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
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