What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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